| Who can say if I've been changed for the better? |
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[16 Mar 2009|01:51am] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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I am extremely busy and I am in no way content, but I am happy. yes, in spite of all the deadlines and piles of work and nagging insecurities, very happy. I can't really ask for more at the moment.
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[15 Jan 2009|02:22am] |
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That was a huge chapter in my life too. I suppose I can officially call it closed now.
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| To the Boys |
[05 Dec 2008|02:29am] |
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mood |
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 sleepy |
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next on the dockett,
"To the crush" (1 and 2)
"To the ex"
"To the dreamer"
"To the brother"
(this is mostly a reminder to myself, hah)
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| Letters to the Boys - To the Thinker |
[04 Dec 2008|01:57am] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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To the thinker,
I saw you riding your bicycle today, as I often do around two forty-five-ish on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. It was brisk, I was giddy. In your sunglasses and flannel shirt you looked every inch the cool intellectual you are, and the sun shining gold off of your wind-tossed hair made me catch my breath. Do I sound cliché? I felt cliché. As you approached me I saw that little half smile you do so well appear on your face, and my fingers tightened around the ends of my scarf. I don’t remember if you said “hey” or simply nodded this time – it changes from day to day – but I had the sudden urge to let you know how beautiful you are. Do people tell you that a lot? Someone really should. “You’re beautiful!” Two words – well, one is a contraction – that’s all that had to make it out of my mouth. They danced there on my tongue for a fraction of a second, I smiled, lips parted, but all that came out was “…hey.” And then you rode away. Another day.
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| allow me my moment of melodrama |
[24 Oct 2008|02:40am] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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It would seem
I must endure
The fate of a sinner –
I’m Ixion
In his wheel,
Spinning into eternity
My head won’t stop reeling.
My accomplishments
Amount to nothing more
Than the water
Of the Danaids,
Forever carried
From the river
In a sieve.
Not even Herakles,
The mighty immortal
Can take this weight,
Like that of the world,
Off of my shoulders.
This work is Sisyphean.
I’m pushing the boulder
Up
And
Up
The
Mountain
Just to have it fall again
And start all over.
*****
You’re a sleepless night
with no coffee in sight
No Rockstar
Or Red Bull
To get me through
The next long day
You’re a heavy coat
When I need to float
I’m drowning
In ice water
It’s impossible
For me to breathe.
*****
...really, I need to cut these heavy people out of my life.
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[28 Sep 2008|03:34am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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Hi, my name is: Becca. Rebecca if you want to get technical.
Never in my life have I: chosen vanilla ice cream over chocolate.
The one person who can drive me nuts is: someone very close to me.
When I'm nervous: I chew my nails. ew.
The last song I listened to was: Disturbia, on the radio in the car.
If I were to get married right now my best man/maid of honorwould be: Caitlin or Ashley
My hair is: too long in the front (as in my bangs)
When I was 5: I cut my head open on a TV watching Thomas the Tank Engine.
Last Christmas: wasn't as bad as the 2 or 3 preceeding it.
I should be: asleep or studying.
When I look down I see: my comforter, which is crying out for a pretty duvet cover.
The happiest recent event was: either painting the wall downstairs, or watching somebody else's proposal. a real life one, not on The Office ;)
If I were a character on 'Friends' I'd be: Monica or Rachel. Or Ross, hah.
By this time next year: I'll be freaking out about the future just a little more.
My current annoyance is: not being able to do anything to help...or a kid in my Myth class.
I have a hard time understanding: why people can't take a hint.
There's this girl I know that: will always mean the world to me.
If I won an award, the firstperson I would tell would be: my mom
The thing I want to buy is: stuff to pimp my apartment, or nice watercolours.
If you visited the place I'm from: you'd be at a fairly high altitude, methinks.
The world could do without: creepsters.
I'd rather lick the bellyof a cockroach than: have to explain my roomate situation to ym father, who is coming up in a few weeks.
Most recent thing I've bought myself: seaside blue paint and painting supplies.
Most recent thing someone else bought me: A Ben and Jerry's waffle cone, kind of (we used a coupon)
My middle name is: Joy
In the Morning I: hit the snooze button at least once.
Once, at a bar: a creepster hit on me. OH WAIT! that's like, almost every time at a bar...
Last night I was: up all night talking to Dani, watching Dreamgirls, and turning the Presidential Debate into a drinking game.
There's this guy I know who: is 17 years older than me and is a Creepy McCreeperson.
If I was an animal I'd be: a cat.
A better name for me would be: Becca Joy. like officially.
Tomorrow I am: going to have to make up for lost time.
Tonight I am: feeling accomplished in a non-academic sense!
My birthday is: on the winter solstice, kind of.
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[05 Sep 2008|01:37am] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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someone should really update their livejournal so I have something to read other than play after play after play...not that I mind reading plays, but I miss extensive posts about melodramatic teenage lives. really, when did we get so unwilling to pour our hearts and souls out to the candid world? so boring? yeesh!
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[02 Jul 2008|12:37am] |
The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed. Well let's see.
1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them
1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible (in parts I have read it, I'll get to the whole thing someday)
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (a great many, so I am bolding it)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier (a book with my name? I have to read it!)
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger (I tried to get through it and couldn't. I will eventually though)
19 The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell (ugh, remember, Caitlin? REMEMBER?!?)
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald (I know, I know...)
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame (long, long ago...)
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis (twice, hahaha)
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis (isn't this part of the Chronicles?)
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini (it's on my summer list!)
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell (thanks Yoav)
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery (I've only read Anne of the Island, believe it or not...)
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray (I'll get to it Walter, promise!)
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad (UGH)
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams (during a bored summer in conneticutt, the library was my best friend)
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare (apparently not part of the complete works?)
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
...that was fun...
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| more trite poetry |
[07 May 2008|10:49am] |
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mood |
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 geeky |
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the progeny of a bout of sleeplessness on Monday night.
I wish you were a music box
I’d put you by my bed
and as I would drift off to sleep
your voice would fill my head
You’d sing to me of freedom
or of life and brand new starts
you would sing tenderly of love,
your voice would fill my heart
I wish you were a lullaby,
I’d play you every night
your voice would wrap me in its arms
and gently hold me tight
Your lips would kiss each note that fell
to softly rest on mine,
each word you sang would brush my cheek,
I’d savor every line
I wish you were a music box,
a lullaby to keep,
but you’re not mine, so I must find
another way to sleep.
feel free to criticize =]
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[27 Apr 2008|10:41am] |
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oh, the irony of life...
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[12 Apr 2008|05:08pm] |
"if you cant make your mind up,
we'll never get started.
and I dont wanna wind up
being parted, broken-hearted.
so if you really love me,
say yes.
but if you dont, dear, confess.
and please dont tell me
perhaps, perhaps, perhaps."
- Cake, Perhaps Perhaps Perhaps
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[25 Feb 2008|12:56am] |
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Amy Adams sings it better.
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| resolutions |
[02 Jan 2008|12:29pm] |
I will be happy in 2008. This is my resolution for the new year.
- I will not air my dirty laundry in public.
- I will not slam doors, for someday I may wish to again walk through them (wisdom from a fortune cookie).
- I will do yoga every monday of this coming semester (except where school conflicts).
- I will eat well (two full meals a day, three when possible, plus snacks).
- I will learn to cook (things besides, pasta, easy mac, latkes, and TV dinners).
- I will keep in touch.
- I will take walks.
- I will have picnics.
- I will eat lots of matzo ball soup and pad thai (but not at the same time).
- I will party with AEPi.
- I will master sewing.
- I will read more.
- I will cherish the friendships of those who value me in their lives. The rest are inconsequential, and I will not let them have any effect on my personal happiness.
Happy 2008!
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[09 Dec 2007|07:46pm] |
thirteen-and-oh. hooray!
pointless update, maybe, but I am avoiding this writing thing at all costs.
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[14 Nov 2007|03:57pm] |
It's kind of funny - well not funny, but odd, I suppose - to read other people's livejournals, blogs, or what have you, and know that you're being talked about. Subtly, yes, so much so that only you, the writer, and a handful of other important people even know what is being spoken of, but that makes the feeling all the more queer. It's almost enough to make me wary of who and what I write about in here.
anyways, that was nothing but a ponderance.
I am counting down the days until the end of the semester when I can pack up my car and go HOME. The past months have been an emotional rollercoaster, and while the ups and downs are no longer as high or as steep, the ride isn't over. icky metaphor. whatever. One weight has been lifted off of my shoulders to some degree, but there's still another that has yet to get lighter. I'm not as strong as I was hoping I would be when faced with this situation. I don't know how to handle myself, my thoughts, or my feelings. I would almost go so far as to call myself a hypocrite, something I've feared would happen for some time now. Karma maybe? Sarah says I don't have any - I'd have to disagree. I may not walk around spoerting a pentacle anymore, but I still believe in the threefold law with every fiber of my being. Maybe I am just reaping what I've sown. What really gets me is that the only thing that will make this easier is time. Hopefully I've copious amounts of it ahead of me (I would say thankfully, but I'm feeling uncharacteristically superstitious as the moment, hah).
I can't wait for winter break.
It will be interesting, at the very least.
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| was she told when she was young the pain would lead to pleasure? |
[20 Oct 2007|12:10am] |
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mood |
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thoughtful |
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"is there anybody going to listen to my story,
all about the girl who came to stay?
she's the kind of girl you want so much it makes you sorry,
still you don't regret a single day.
ah girl, girl.
when I think of all the times I tried so hard to leave her,
she will turn to me and start to cry,
and she promises the earth to me and I believe her,
after all this time, I don't know why.
ah girl, girl."
- Girl, the Beatles
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[16 Oct 2007|07:05am] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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Really though, I've taken a backwards journey into emoland, and when I do that I update my livejournal. so deal.
Sunday blew, yesterday sucked, and today isn't going to be much better. I've allowed myself to become paralyzed by a single event, and all of my productivity has halted. When I become unproductive, I become angry at myself for being so, and then I waste more time being upset about the work getting done than I spend on the work itself. It's a nasty downward spiral, and an easy one to get caught in. I keep asking myself what I could have done differently, how I could have made this any better or different or less painful to deal with, but that's silly and nonsensical seeing as I can't change things, and I don't really like any of the answers to boot. You called it "getting stuck in mental quicksand." That's better than any analogy I could come up with at this hour of the morning. Yes, I am stuck in the quicksand of my thoughts and I need to stop flailing about because I am only going to sink faster. I need to find something solid to take a hold of in my life, and I need to focus on getting myself out and back on to solid ground. It doesn't seem like an easy feat right now, but I know that it is something I am fully capable of, if only I'll stop wallowing in self-pity long enough to do it.
maybe tomorrow will be better.
I made a decision and I have to live with it.
that's life, right?
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[15 Oct 2007|11:56pm] |
you are a nosy son of a bitch. get your own livejournal.
P.S. I didn't delete that post, just made it private. hooray livejournal just for me!
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[15 Oct 2007|10:21am] |
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I look like I've been sucker punched in both eyes, and I can't find my concealer.
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taintedoptimism's journal
